I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
