I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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