Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
