i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
