Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
