Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
