just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
