Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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