This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We left the knife in your bed.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
