I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I pour the whiskey from now on
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
