You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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