Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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