Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
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I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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