I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
