she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
