im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
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Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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