literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just threw up on my dentist
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
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You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
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Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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