just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
