I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
