Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
