he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
There's a naked man in my car right now.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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