you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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