So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
