Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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