I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
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I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own