I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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