The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself