Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?