How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
