Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
