i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Randomize
