and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Vodka?
Forever.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
