peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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