you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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