She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
