I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
