Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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