I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
