Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
