What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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