Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Every concussion has its silver lining
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
