I can't breathe out the right side of my face
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
