She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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