i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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