dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
