I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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