I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
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Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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