sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize
