24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
