Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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