I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
