Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
