I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
