dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
