no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
