Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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