My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
