Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
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Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
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either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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