i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Randomize
