i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
