hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
