I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
