4 words: hood of his car
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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