There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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