We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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