I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Houston, we have a blender
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
