It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
