oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
