he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
