Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
