i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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