the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
