I wish I could teleport
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
