My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
